Breaking the cycle
My oldest son has a lot of questions. The result is a lot of answers. Nine times out of ten the questions don't relate to anything but what we are talking about at that moment. He also has the tendency to ask the same questions multiple times. I guess that is life as a 5 year old.
About a year ago, we were talking about pets. I told him when I was kid, my family had 2 dogs and a parrot. Our parrots name was Bad Boy becuase he learned to talk from watching and listening to endless episodes of Cops. One day, he started to speak and his first words were "Bad Boy, bad boy whatcha going to do". Hence, the name Bad Boy.
Fast forward to last weekend.
Noah: Dad, remember when you had that parrot named Bad Boy?
Me: Hahaha, yes.
Noah: How old were you when you had him?
Me: I don't know about 10 or 11.
Noah: Where is he now?
Me: I don't know, I guess, maybe still with my dad.
Noah: You have a dad?
Me: Of course I do.
Noah: what's his name?
Noah: haha haha you guys were the house of Tim?
Me: LOL. I guess you could say that.
Noah: where does he live?
Me: Uh, (he immediately asked another question)
Noah: where does your mom live?
Me: St. Croix
Noah: your parents don't live together?
Me: no, Noah, they don't.
Noah: how come? (I told you he has a lot of questions.😉)
Me: well, sometimes mommies and daddies don't always stay together.
Noah: will I ever meet them?
Me: maybe some day. Hey, how about those Red Sox.
Noah: I like the Cubs and sometimes the Red Sox.
The subject immediately changes to something else and we start to chat about random other things. About 10 minutes later, my wife who was listening to the conversation acknowledges that this was the first time Noah has ever asked about my parents. This is true. It's the stuff that they dont teach you in parenting books. How to have tough conversations. To be honest, it is not something that I think about often.
My in-laws do such an amazing job as grandparents that my kids think they are it. They have no clue that I have parents (until recently). My in-laws love my kids and co-parent with us. They help us through difficult times and give us advice when it comes to parenting challenges. I love them as if they were my own parents. They have poured into me so much that I often forget they are are my wife's parents and not mine. It's amazing to have such loving people around me all the time. I wouldn't trade this for the world.
On the other hand, My parents have taught me alot. The older I get the more I sound like them. They also taught me (without knowing) what not do as a parent. That parenting doesn't stop at 18.
My father left his parents house at 18 and never really returned until his 30's. I left the house at 18 and have never returned. Funny how cyclical things are in life.
I find great value in lessons. I find great value in being a husband and a father. I find great value in being a minority. I don't find value on how the media and politicians portray minority father's. We are here, we are educated, we have dreams for our families and our kids. We are also aware that we must break the cycle of our parents and your false perception.